Popular: No one follows me in person

It was the end of the year and Instagram wanted to know if I was curious what my top 9 photos were for 2015. Of course I did, it sounded fun. After plugging in some information and waiting a few minutes I was treated to a collage I should have seen coming. All 9 of my most popular posts were beautiful female model friends of mine in various states of undress. I suppose I wasn’t surprised, I’m not above following how my posts are doing (though I would like to be), but I was jarred a little. While these were numerically my “best” work they were definitely not a good overview of all that had happened to me that year. I am not ashamed of any of the photos. I made and shared them because I was proud of them. But this post had done they very thing I have tried to avoid with my social media. It had curated a year down to only the enviable, only the beautiful. It had omitted honest posts about struggles I was having because they never get at much interaction. I had been dealing with the loss of a family member and a continual battle with anxiety and depression. I had been trying to find a balance between the loss of a belief system and a desire to not lose all spirituality in my life.

In swift reaction I decided to immediately write out what this situation was making me feel, and what I felt is this:

What this is, this looking at our most popular posts are, is Fun, and we should be careful that that’s all it is. It’s interesting to see which post was the most well received but it’s dangerous too. If it seeps into your head and makes you believe that what you should create it what has been the most ‘liked’ then you have changed your artistic progression from a line to a circle. Creating for you is what makes your work actually authentic or real or meaningful or any of those adjectives that imply value by definition but seem to have become twisted into meaning ‘popular’. Treasure those things you make that you like more than your audience. Hold onto that new direction that isn’t as understood as your past work but is pushing you to a new place. We’re here to live, to be us, to be kind and to create. We’re here to Love and be Loved in return, not like and get likes in return. I take great comfort in knowing that if Facebook and Instagram took my accounts away, the next day I would be creating. For me. For the people I meet. This part? This popularity part. It’s nice, but it isn’t real.